I have had several careers in my life. Out of high school, I wanted to be a hairstylist. Then, I did some acting and modelling. I felt really fulfilled running a woman's weight loss center where I had helped tons of people. I have also worked in audio for most of my life, digital recording and song-writing.
Whatever job I had, I really just wanted to go to work every single day and feel like by the time I got home, I could just have a happy, fantastical life in a solid relationship.
Man! Talk about DRAMA!
I mean way too much drama.
So instead of using my evening time to cultivate and fix my relationship, I would go hide away and write music. I used to make music for pure joy. I used to like sitting at the piano playing the song because it felt like something fun to do. Then, it was a desperate escape. I wrote music from anger.
What I didn't know about music, is that it is its own spirit and it communicates back to you when you are open to it. When you're that desperate to hear it say anything, you can even make up words that best suit you!
It is now becoming apparent in my life that music is how I survive on pretty much every level and THAT was never my original intention for it.
I feel better when I'm around my crafts, my art and music. I am happier communicating and touching the lives of others with art and music.
It has been the great healer in my own life but now I'm moving on to another level. It has stunned me with its seemingly new motive. NOW, it has decided it needs ME to pay IT back! The nerve!
It has taken on a very bizarre twist recently. I am finding out that it is no longer interested in doing me favours without expecting something in return like I always thought it did. It needs me to go out and share its greater message. The shot to the face? It isn't MY message! What the?
I always thought that musicians used their art and music as a way to get their feelings out and as a way to get their message across to people. However, since taking on the 'wide-eyed, open-to-discovery little girl' approach, I am finding myself in a position where the music of the world and the universe has been so prostituted and so raped that it is asking me to help restore it to its rightful place. I find this to be a terrifying responsibility but I don't really have a choice.
Before you think I'm some chosen one here, we actually ALL are and I suspect I may just be hearing about it now! (This could be my mucky brain)
We have become a race of takers. We take what we need and we siphon off the earth, the air, the water and the universe. We forget what it means to pay something forward. We forget humility. We forget what gratitude is. I think it is because we are so depleted, so depressed and so broke. It seems like giving when we have nothing is impossible. Whether you are burned out with money, energy or emotions, you probably think nobody can get blood from your stone at this point.
But before I classify music as a spirit waiting to take your first born as payback, it DOES want you happy and it IS there to heal you! It just needs the water to periodically flow through the pebbles for purification so it can heal the next person.
What an unbelievably humbling strike of lightning. Thank you all for helping me to remember what being part of the natural balance is!
Ian's voice talks to me all the time. This record chronicles his journey back to the childhood spirit of play.
He represents all of us, though. It is quite a revelation to think that he IS all of us and his crucial triumph means the balance can be restored.
I want you to also experience this return to balance. You can because it was the original intention for us!
Much love on you,
"Seems the wild card on my score card with the coveted silver star is the underdog..." ~Blackguard from 'Idiot Savant'