For some of us, the beast is really just a mosquito buzzing in our ear. It is frequent and annoying. While the threat of it taking some of our blood is always looming, we know we can solve it if necessary.
When the same mosquito hides and waits for your weak spot night after night and you were never able to track it down, it can ruin sleep. I think we all have these mosquitos in our world. They add a bad buzz to our daily routine and it's repetitive and incessant. It's like a skipping needle on the record. If we can get to it, we can stop it, but we are always hoping for music so we persevere.
Then, there are the monsters under our beds and in closets we cannot control because we simply can't catch our breath long enough to. This is the roller coaster I am currently up against. It is the kind where it is going so fast that I can't even gain a focus of what is up or down due to the speed of the rotations. Sure, they are the same and identifiable. They are apparent and predictable. The problem is that it is too much of a whirlwind and is so much bigger than me, that I can't gain the sight or breath to know where I am.
Imagine getting on a ride because you expected fun...and the operator not only made it go too fast, but he locked you in the bucket and then broke the only control that could stop it. Your first instinct is to just throw up...not much thought past it.
It is in moments like this where I can begin to spot the landscape spinning past me. When I write, I can get it all out. I can turn the blur of the scenery into washes of paint on a canvas. If I can't control it, I better pass the time until it slows enough to sabotage the machine into failure or wait for help.
We all have somewhere to go to while bad things are happening. I used to subscribe to the "you are in control of your destiny" theory, but I don't anymore. I now believe that bad things DO happen to good people and we are all just simply doing the very best that we can. This could be people, money, health or circumstance. Anne Frank had to make the best of a bad situation. We don't always have the control that the motivational speakers suggest we do.
We just have to do our best...whatever that is.
I think the problem is we want the fun, we want the ride and we want the music...and there are some horrible risks when you are looking for success, love or magic.
Some mud is actually quicksand...know the risks of getting dirty.
"In the royal private garden, combatants are jousting...throwing clay balls of perfume and the skunks are all running."
~GREEN from 'Idiot Savant'